I'm Fine.

We say “I’m fine” for so many reasons when we’re far from fine. Maybe we use it because it feels easier. Or we don’t want to burden others with what’s really going on. To avoid explaining when there are follow ups to an honest answer. Maybe it’s habit or reflex. Or maybe it feels safer because vulnerability can be scary. So many reasons to stick with “I’m fine.” But here are some reasons to try something new…

When we bypass a genuine answer with something generic like, “I’m fine,”:

• we shut down small opportunities for vulnerability that build trust, intimacy, and genuine connection. If this is our ‘go to,’ often times this leads to distance and stagnancy in the relationship.

• we subtly communicate to ourselves that our internal state isn't important, appropriate, or worth acknowledging. Over time, this habitual minimization makes it harder to identify what we actually need. If we can’t identify our needs, we can’t communicate them and they can’t be met, leaving us feeling unfulfilled, reactive, and resentful in our relationships.

• we suppress what we’re truly experiencing which creates a gap between our internal reality and our external presentation and contributes to chronic stress and burn out.

We are neurobiologically wired to regulate our nervous systems in proximity to safe others. When we are honest about being stressed, sad, exhausted, grieving, not okay, overwhelmed, etc. with someone we trust, their empathy, presence, and validation help soothe our nervous system.

If you’re feeling the negative impact of “I’m fine” and ready to try something different, I’ve included some example phrases to practice. Make them your own or use them as they are - whatever feels best for you.

• I’m processing a lot right now.

• I’m feeling a little bit 'off' and I'm not sure why.

• I’m feeling like my battery is low right now.

• I’m exhausted, and I need to prioritize rest.

• I’m having one of those days where everything feels a bit loud.

• I’m not 'fine,' but I am safe.

• I’m navigating some big feelings today.

• I’m feeling discouraged, and I could use a little grace.

• A lot is going on and I am doing my best to adjust.

• I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I'm managing.

• I’m hanging in there, one breath at a time.

• I’m doing the best I can with the energy I have today.

• I want to share how I am, but I need some time to process before we talk.

• Thanks for asking. I’ve been better.

• Thank you for asking. I’m struggling, but I have support.

It’s not about giving more personal information than is appropriate. It’s about matching our level of honesty to the safety of the relationship, choosing authenticity over a mask, and letting the right people see a glimpse of what we’re actually going through.